Hello Everyone!
This blog post is going to be very different than any blog I have ever posted before. Please be patient with me and hear my heart ♡ as I come to you in sharing my story being a mother/parent. My most important position and job in my life is being a mother.
Most that know me well and my life outside of makeup, skincare, and all things beauty--know that I am very passionate about advocating for those with disabilities. Yes, you are learning something new about me. The reason why I am so passionate about disabilities is because of my son.
(My son and I)
My greatest gift and blessing has been being his mother. His disability being affected by Autism and being developmentally/intellectually disabled is a daily struggle for him and us as a family. Where we live my son's weaknesses in social interaction and knowing social cues in how to communicate with others has become tricky at times.
We have great support from family and friends, but not always within our neighborhood or community. It has been hard for others in understanding that while my son looks like any other 17 year old, he is often seen as annoying, a nuisance to those that refuse to get to know him and us as a family.
(My son and my husband)
The words annoying and nuisance is used because of my son's social weaknesses that others see. He is always wanting a friend and will try to get their attention in ways that others find indifferent, annoying, and or strange to them. He really does try to control his behaviors at times, but gets anxiety and becomes overwhelmed by the response he receives.
As his mother, through the years I have worked very hard in improving his social skills. Many years of therapies and appointments were our everyday life in the beginning years. Even now, I still continue to work with him. How he is today, socially, is a big improvement than how he was in years past.
( Me and my precious son at a year old)
Sometimes to some individuals, ones that choose to not understand another that is differently-abled, they can't seem to get pass the individual's mistakes no matter if they can help it in how they were born neurologically or mentally. To be clear....AUTISM is a neurological disorder where their brain biochemically & electronically has an abnormal connection. DEVELOPMENTALLY/INTELLECTUALLY DISABLED is defined as being delayed(behind) lacking socially, mentally and/or physically impaired than others their own age.
As you can see, this can be quite challenging in how an individual responds to their environment and how they function in responding with behaviors not always understood. There is no cure. But social skills and life skills can be taught, learning a better way in how they relate to others.
If you yell, bully, or insult someone with my son's disability, this will cause them to get upset becoming defensive and provoking behaviors that otherwise could be prevented leading to a meltdown. And that my friends is where families like us can have a problem. Imagine feeling overwhelmed, hearing not just words, but just pure noise, stimuli (sensory-wise) that comes over your body like a mac-truck becoming very painful.
When one experiences that, it almost becomes impossible to process, control yourself and your actions until you can get to a quiet-safe place to calm down. I hope that makes sense to anyone reading this. I truly don't want to sound like that I make any excuses for my son's behaviors at all, only to explain and to educate others. Anytime there is a behavior there is a reason and we must acknowledge that.
Up till now, we have tried to live peacefully in our neighborhood but there are some that choose to be difficult. I have never in my life encountered such hatred, cruelty, harassment, and bullying. At first, other children were bullying my son, then he would defend himself so, now it's their parents that are showing their children it is acceptable to do.
I have tried through the years in showing them how to interact with my son and others like him to have a more positive encounter and experience. It is like it all went on deaf ears. It seems, I can not change their opinion of my son and or us as a family. I have had to become a Momma bear in protecting my son many times.
Things have escalated to the point it has become dangerous on both sides. They know how to upset my son and will now do these things hoping he will become so upset that he will destroy property or throw objects at them , trying to escape their well-intended motives. You see my son is now 17 years old and by police law he is no longer considered a juvenile. He would be treated as an adult no matter his disability. I must protect my child.
This is terrible to know that my family is a target of individuals that are determined to make our lives a living hell! I know some families and other parents of loved ones with a disability may be able to relate. Many years ago, I had a support group to help other families like us while promoting awareness and education.
Sometimes in doing the right thing, you may not always be accepted or welcomed. So, after several years I stopped having meetings. It truly saddens my heart♡, that a community refuses to accept, help, and acknowledge their most vulnerable, disabled members. We can no longer live in this community after almost 18 years.
It really breaks my heart and yet, angers me at the same time. Moving from here, will be one traveled road that I choose to not ever travel again. I have always taught my child to be kind to others no matter their race, religion, differences or abilities. For him to have experienced such cruel, hurtful encounters at a young age and through the years, it has marked him in ways that no one should ever know! It has made him feel insecure, thinking he is a bad person, feeling like no one wants to be his friend, and wanting to not be born.
I encourage him telling him that these individuals are only a handful and not the rest of the world for there is people out there , that are kind, understanding, and loving. I have hope that our circle will continue to grow in celebrating my son's strengths and abilities. We are and have always been a family that is special not just because of my son, but because we understand, have compassion, empathy, and love for others. We friend the friendless, will feed the hungry, wipe the tears of those that cry, and love the unloved.
I hope if anything after reading my extremely long blog, that you have a better understanding of anyone living with a disability and their families. I never want to force an issue, but the disabled are growing in numbers everywhere especially with Autism. Every community needs to have trained emergency responders, support groups, and services especially respite for the caregivers.
I love my son so very much! Please know being a care'giver is a tiring task some days, working on little sleep, and traveling to many therapy/dr.appointments. If anything ask us , how you can help when you see us in a moment of need. You would truly be a HERO!!! Get to know us , we love to feel included, and accepted.
Thank you and many blessings.
Much love and hugs,
JOY
